Monday, March 5, 2007
The Story of Us
When I was in love and engaged I had a fairy tale romance with one of the most incredible men I have ever met. We met by chance one night and could not stop talking. He was in my tiny college town the weekend of the largest outdoor auto show that was hosted by the university I was currently attending and the same one he had graduated from 4 years earlier. The next night he asked me to dinner and to have drinks with some of his alumni friends who were also in town for the same event. Once again we were fixated on each other the entire night, barley touching our drinks and hardly noticing the other 350+ people at the crowded bar. That was a night I never wanted to end. When the 2 a.m. last call light came on, we paid our tab and headed out for coffee on a hot September night in Michigan. Through the sunroof of his rental car we gazed at stars and talked until 7 a.m. finding out many commonalities and significant tid-bits about one another. We both agreed that we truly believe that everything happens for a reason and that fate and destiny are behind everything. I told him I didn’t believe in love at first sight and that I have been dealt every line in the book when it comes to meeting men. He said that he was honest and his intentions were honest also and that I need not worry about him throwing out sappy lines. I honestly believed him. After the hours of conversation we’ve had I was learning more and more about him and he was getting to know me as well. We touched on just about every topic and I was just as starry eyed as ever listening to him. He honestly took hold of my entire being and made it seem as if the entire world had stopped and the crowds parted and allowed us to meet just as fate had intended. Our chance meeting had turned into an extraordinarily profound one. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that he would soon be playing a large roll in my life. As the sun began to come up over the trees and our coffee was now cold and useless, the song “Why Don’t You Stay” by Bob Seger came on the radio and I was completely fixated on the lyric’s. It was the exact message that I was dying to tell him. Why don’t you stay? I wanted him to be around for another couple of days because my heart was captivated by this wonderful man whom I only just met. I wanted more time with him, but he had a flight to leave that day. He asked to take me to lunch and I agreed, thrilled to death he still wanted to see me after talking to me for almost 12 straight hours! We made arrangements to meet and at the same time we both mentioned we were in the mood for a raspberry iced tea. Upon the synchronized wish, we locked eyes and smiled. We were on the same page when it came to everything. Right down to the minutest detail. We had the same political views, religious beliefs, musical choices, favorite movies, favorite sports, and so on. When we arrived at the restaurant we sat with more of his alumni friends and as the conversations pasted, so did the time. Soon he would have to be on his way to the airport and back to Chesterfield, Missouri (where ever that was) and out of my life. As we got into his rental car once again so that he could drop me off and head to the airport, he paid me the greatest complement I have ever received. I will never forget what he told me and the conviction in his eyes as he said it. He told me he was so happy to have met me and that there was no way he wanted to go home and never talk to me again. He asked for my contact information and gave me his business card. He told me that it would be hard for him not to call me the minute he arrived back in Missouri. He said that talking to me was the thrill and highlight of his weekend. He parked his car beside mine so that we could part ways and said, “It’s going to take everything I have to let go of your hand.” I felt the same way and told him, “It’s going to take everything I have to get out of this car.” He kissed me, just as “Collide” by Howie Day began to play in the car, and I was elated. He was so close to perfect that it simply wasn’t fair! Why did we have to go to Northwood University 4 years apart? Why did he have to live in Missouri? Why did this weekend visit have to end? I was engulfed by his kiss when my mind suddenly became clam. I felt as if I didn’t have to worry anymore because I would leave it up to fate again to bring him back to me somehow. As I got into my car and headed to the campus computer lab to finish weekend homework, I pulled out his business card. I knew that I would not get any work done until I had e-mailed him and told him how great I thought he was and how excited I was that we were going to keep in touch. When I took my seat at a vacant computer I began to type his address into the space to send him a message and paused when I hit the ‘subject’ line. What would I write in the ‘subject’ line? JUST THEN, my phone began to ring. IT WAS HIM! I almost screamed with excitement. I answered the phone bewildered, “Aren’t you supposed to be at 35,000 feet right now?!” I asked giddy and nervously. He replied with, “Do you really believe that everything happens for a reason?” My answer was an ecstatic “YES!” to which he said “My flight is cancelled until tomorrow.” On a perfect 76 degree sunny day in September, a flight from Midland, Michigan to St Louis, Missouri could not take place. And that was the great stroke of fate that brought him back to me. I screamed into the phone “Come back to me! Come back to me!” to which he answered, “I already am.” He came to my apartment and when he knocked on the door I could not help but throw my arms around his neck and kiss him as soon as I saw his face in my doorway. He said it was destiny and that he never knew it could work in his favor so perfectly. We made dinner and talked all night again. There was no topic that was off limits. He and I had a connection that was beyond anything I have ever experienced both before or since. When I told this story to my co-workers the next day I had 6 women in tears and fanning their eyes telling me it was the most beautiful love story with a fated meeting they had ever heard. For the next year they were constantly asking me on how the relationship was going and the newest story of the romantic way Brett was sweeping me off of my feet. He went home on a Monday afternoon and by Wednesday he had booked a flight back to see me in 3 weeks. We met every 3 to 4 weeks and he flew me to Chesterfield for Christmas, New Years, and my Birthday. His mother was from a small town 15 minutes away from where I attended college, so when she was in town visiting her parents we met for dinner. She told me that the first words out of his mouth when she asked, ‘how was your trip’ were, “mom, I’ve met someone.” We had the greatest romance I have ever known, even though it was very long distance. We were engaged on New Years Eve 2006 but by June we had parted ways. It was the saddest time of my life. Despite the devastating break up that left my heart in shambles, I still made my way to Lindenwood University ( the school we chose for me to attend together) for my second BA. Although it was a love story with an abrupt and heart wrenching ending, the beginning and duration of the romance was astoundingly real and truly captivating.
Friday, March 2, 2007
I Dream of Love
tomorrow
by cullen ray clifton
If the sun won't set tomorrow
and this day won't ever end
I’d take this time God's given me
to think of you again.
And perhaps the sun might rise
and the day turn into night
but, still, I’ll sit and think of you
till darkness fills my sight.
The sun did set and the night came, too
still I stare and dream and think of you.
This is a poem I found recently that sparked my interest. It resonates with me because I have been in that situation before. I have been the one to think and dream of my love as he comes into my life. When you fall in love, that person fills your mind and heart every second of the day. We begin to live and eat and breathe for that person as if their very existence is the reason we are on this earth. We long for the moment we will meet again, we think of their face and smile. We can catch a glimpse of them in every person we see. We think we smell their scent on the wind Everything about their being excites us and creates this burning desire to be next to them as much as possible. We loose ourselves in this new love and the love we have for that person defines who we are, if only for a moment. We see ourselves in their eyes, we make them a part of our future plans, we are engulfed by them. They are in our thoughts and in our dreams. Whether or not it is a true and lasting love is up to the stars to decide. We can fall in love in a moments notice and we cannot control who we fall in love with. Our destiny may toy with us and put us through trials that will break our hearts and weaken our spirits; but all is not lost. When we loose a lover, we do not loose our ability to love. We are simply stripped down to the our most venerable selves. We are able to rebuild ourselves, sometimes with our own strength and resilience; and sometimes with the help of friends and loved ones. Falling in love is a wonderful thing, falling out of love is the only painful thing about love. But falling out of love does not mean falling apart. We can still love in our thoughts and love in our dreams, just as the poem says.
by cullen ray clifton
If the sun won't set tomorrow
and this day won't ever end
I’d take this time God's given me
to think of you again.
And perhaps the sun might rise
and the day turn into night
but, still, I’ll sit and think of you
till darkness fills my sight.
The sun did set and the night came, too
still I stare and dream and think of you.
This is a poem I found recently that sparked my interest. It resonates with me because I have been in that situation before. I have been the one to think and dream of my love as he comes into my life. When you fall in love, that person fills your mind and heart every second of the day. We begin to live and eat and breathe for that person as if their very existence is the reason we are on this earth. We long for the moment we will meet again, we think of their face and smile. We can catch a glimpse of them in every person we see. We think we smell their scent on the wind Everything about their being excites us and creates this burning desire to be next to them as much as possible. We loose ourselves in this new love and the love we have for that person defines who we are, if only for a moment. We see ourselves in their eyes, we make them a part of our future plans, we are engulfed by them. They are in our thoughts and in our dreams. Whether or not it is a true and lasting love is up to the stars to decide. We can fall in love in a moments notice and we cannot control who we fall in love with. Our destiny may toy with us and put us through trials that will break our hearts and weaken our spirits; but all is not lost. When we loose a lover, we do not loose our ability to love. We are simply stripped down to the our most venerable selves. We are able to rebuild ourselves, sometimes with our own strength and resilience; and sometimes with the help of friends and loved ones. Falling in love is a wonderful thing, falling out of love is the only painful thing about love. But falling out of love does not mean falling apart. We can still love in our thoughts and love in our dreams, just as the poem says.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Dreams
I am a firm believer that when we dream, that is our sub-conscious telling us about ourselves. We are constantly thinking or worrying or debating issues in our heads. When we are preparing for sleep, we are running over the events of the day or perhaps were are planning and preparing for the days ahead. Despite what they pertain to, they are all thoughts. As we sleep, our mind is not dormant. We are still actively processing the information we were fed all throughout the day, week, month, year, what have you. That information is rolling around in our mind’s eye and making itself useful in vivid expressions of performance and demonstrations known as “dreams.”
Our dreams are our mind’s translations of images into symbols that we can interpret and use as guidelines or answers to our questions. Almost everything we dream about has a meaning behind it. We have symbols in our dreams that can relate to issues that are present in our lives and subject matters that we are concerned with. When we dwell on matters in our lives and toss around situations of importance to us, we are running through different outcome scenarios or solutions. The mind takes these conditions we dwell on and it gives us probable absolutions to resolve the conflict or dilemma. Whether or not we are able to correctly identify the symbols and signs in our dreams to properly interpret them is another story. We may be able to decipher what is a sign and what isn’t, but we may not be able to attain the accurate translation. Accurate elucidation of dreams is a highly debated issue due to the divergence of categories to which you could be dreaming under. The same symbol could mean different revelations to different dreamers that are in separate and opposite life situations. Dreams are personal, so they may have more than one meaning behind them that allows the dreamer to find the true significance of their dreams relating to their personal situation.
Our dreams are our mind’s translations of images into symbols that we can interpret and use as guidelines or answers to our questions. Almost everything we dream about has a meaning behind it. We have symbols in our dreams that can relate to issues that are present in our lives and subject matters that we are concerned with. When we dwell on matters in our lives and toss around situations of importance to us, we are running through different outcome scenarios or solutions. The mind takes these conditions we dwell on and it gives us probable absolutions to resolve the conflict or dilemma. Whether or not we are able to correctly identify the symbols and signs in our dreams to properly interpret them is another story. We may be able to decipher what is a sign and what isn’t, but we may not be able to attain the accurate translation. Accurate elucidation of dreams is a highly debated issue due to the divergence of categories to which you could be dreaming under. The same symbol could mean different revelations to different dreamers that are in separate and opposite life situations. Dreams are personal, so they may have more than one meaning behind them that allows the dreamer to find the true significance of their dreams relating to their personal situation.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Papa's Eulogy
Papa's Eulogy
"The best portion of a good man's life, are in his little nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love."
~William Wordsworth
My grandfather was a man with many acts of kindness and love, but none of them will go unremembered. I was fortunate enough to have my Papa around for a very long time. He was an enormous part of my childhood. As a babysitter he would play Barbie's with me - and didn't even fuss when he had to be the ugly Barbie with miss-matched clothes. He always let me have a bowl of Cheerio's before bed, and would watch countess hours of the "Whinney The Pooh's Say No To Strangers" video because it was our favorite. He was over to our house for big dinners, either for a holiday or special occasion, or just to visit. I even lived at my Papa's house for a few years. He let my mom and sister and I transform our bedroom from the retro red, orange, and brown it was to a delicate a feminine room with pink carpet and pastel green wallpaper so we would have a pretty room to call our own. My brother got the Star Wars wallpaper his own room, and when ever we were in the living room he would had us the television remote. Thus, again sitting thru many hours of "Nickelodeon", "The Bozo Show" or "Johnny Quest." I can recall several times when I was pouting or sad, and Papa would get my attention and then make a face or a silly gesture that would always make me giggle and bring a smile to my face. He was not a man that you could be sad around. His joy and his good nature filled the room when was there. He was always in good spirits and had smile for all who hazed upon him.
It is said that some people speak from the heart, well my Papa did just that…but he did so with his hands. Being the one deaf child out of 11 made for some interesting challenges for him growing up, especially in his day and age. This life he was given gave him courage and made him someone that has the ability to find joy in the small things in life. He enjoyed his Butter Pecan ice cream, even when he had 3 dozen other flavors to choose from at the ice cream parlor, it was Butter Pecan for Papa…3 scoops! He had to have his daily dose of The National Geographic Channel, The Three Stooges, and a Hershey bar with almonds to top off the night. When Hershey has it's 100th anniversary celebration and wrapped all of their chocolate bars in a commerative 100th anniversary wrapper from the 1800's my mom gave Papa a one pound candy bar with the hundred year old wrapper on it and he asked, "Is it still good to eat?" His simple, sweet disposition made him that lovable old guy. His impeccable fashion sense of mixing stripes and plaid and polka dots made him the easy target for a lot of jokes, but secretly I think he did it on purpose to make us giggle. Let's not forget his white tube socks with the blue and red (sometimes together) stripes at the top and always pulled all the way up to the knee. I was blessed enough to be his granddaughter and share in those joys with him. The many camping trips we took, always stopping at the same McDonalds on the way up north, always Papa's treat. When we would come over with our Halloween costumes on for show, Papa would unload all of his Bit-O-Honey's on us kids. I can recall the presents he would give us; the Fragle Rock drum set, the trumpets and kazoo's, mom and dad both thought it would be best to keep the noisy ones for us to play with at Papa's house. I can recall the smell of Irish Spring soap and Old spice cologne. I will never forget the clinking of the aspirin tin in his pocket, the sound of his laugh, or the comfort of his embrace. Many will remember him, for many different reasons; but I am sure that they are all memories of fondness and joy and we can look back on them knowing he is finally able to speak and sing out loud and hear what Larry, Moe and Curly sound like in their slap-stick comedies. Some say the finish line is not the end, just the beginning of a whole new race.
"The best portion of a good man's life, are in his little nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love."
~William Wordsworth
My grandfather was a man with many acts of kindness and love, but none of them will go unremembered. I was fortunate enough to have my Papa around for a very long time. He was an enormous part of my childhood. As a babysitter he would play Barbie's with me - and didn't even fuss when he had to be the ugly Barbie with miss-matched clothes. He always let me have a bowl of Cheerio's before bed, and would watch countess hours of the "Whinney The Pooh's Say No To Strangers" video because it was our favorite. He was over to our house for big dinners, either for a holiday or special occasion, or just to visit. I even lived at my Papa's house for a few years. He let my mom and sister and I transform our bedroom from the retro red, orange, and brown it was to a delicate a feminine room with pink carpet and pastel green wallpaper so we would have a pretty room to call our own. My brother got the Star Wars wallpaper his own room, and when ever we were in the living room he would had us the television remote. Thus, again sitting thru many hours of "Nickelodeon", "The Bozo Show" or "Johnny Quest." I can recall several times when I was pouting or sad, and Papa would get my attention and then make a face or a silly gesture that would always make me giggle and bring a smile to my face. He was not a man that you could be sad around. His joy and his good nature filled the room when was there. He was always in good spirits and had smile for all who hazed upon him.
It is said that some people speak from the heart, well my Papa did just that…but he did so with his hands. Being the one deaf child out of 11 made for some interesting challenges for him growing up, especially in his day and age. This life he was given gave him courage and made him someone that has the ability to find joy in the small things in life. He enjoyed his Butter Pecan ice cream, even when he had 3 dozen other flavors to choose from at the ice cream parlor, it was Butter Pecan for Papa…3 scoops! He had to have his daily dose of The National Geographic Channel, The Three Stooges, and a Hershey bar with almonds to top off the night. When Hershey has it's 100th anniversary celebration and wrapped all of their chocolate bars in a commerative 100th anniversary wrapper from the 1800's my mom gave Papa a one pound candy bar with the hundred year old wrapper on it and he asked, "Is it still good to eat?" His simple, sweet disposition made him that lovable old guy. His impeccable fashion sense of mixing stripes and plaid and polka dots made him the easy target for a lot of jokes, but secretly I think he did it on purpose to make us giggle. Let's not forget his white tube socks with the blue and red (sometimes together) stripes at the top and always pulled all the way up to the knee. I was blessed enough to be his granddaughter and share in those joys with him. The many camping trips we took, always stopping at the same McDonalds on the way up north, always Papa's treat. When we would come over with our Halloween costumes on for show, Papa would unload all of his Bit-O-Honey's on us kids. I can recall the presents he would give us; the Fragle Rock drum set, the trumpets and kazoo's, mom and dad both thought it would be best to keep the noisy ones for us to play with at Papa's house. I can recall the smell of Irish Spring soap and Old spice cologne. I will never forget the clinking of the aspirin tin in his pocket, the sound of his laugh, or the comfort of his embrace. Many will remember him, for many different reasons; but I am sure that they are all memories of fondness and joy and we can look back on them knowing he is finally able to speak and sing out loud and hear what Larry, Moe and Curly sound like in their slap-stick comedies. Some say the finish line is not the end, just the beginning of a whole new race.
Helen Keller was quoted as saying,
"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, heard; rather they are felt in the heart."
"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, heard; rather they are felt in the heart."
The Legacy
When I die, give what is left of me to children.
If you need to cry, cry for your brothers walking bedside you.
Put your arms around your loved ones, and give them what you need to give to me.
I want to leave you with something, something better than words or sounds.
Look for me in the people I have loved.
If you cannot live without me, then let me live on in your eyes, your mind, and in your acts of kindness.
You can love me by letting hands touch hands and letting go of children that need to be free. Love does not die, people do.
So when all that is left of me is love, give me away, to everyone around you.
When I die, give what is left of me to children.
If you need to cry, cry for your brothers walking bedside you.
Put your arms around your loved ones, and give them what you need to give to me.
I want to leave you with something, something better than words or sounds.
Look for me in the people I have loved.
If you cannot live without me, then let me live on in your eyes, your mind, and in your acts of kindness.
You can love me by letting hands touch hands and letting go of children that need to be free. Love does not die, people do.
So when all that is left of me is love, give me away, to everyone around you.
Advice
Advice
"Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can't change. Kiss slowly, play hard, forgive quickly, take chances, give everything and have no regrets. Life's too short to be anything but happy. "
"Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can't change. Kiss slowly, play hard, forgive quickly, take chances, give everything and have no regrets. Life's too short to be anything but happy. "
Live Happy
Live Happy
As we grow up, we learn that even the person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken more than once and it gets harder to recover each time. You will break hearts too, so remember how it feels when yours was broken. You will fight with your best friend. You will blame a new love for things and old one did. You'll cry because the time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually loose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, dance like no one is watching, sing like no one can hear you, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset, is one minute of happiness you'll never get back. Life is too short for regrets, and too short to live the same day twice.
"Live for passion, fulfillment, and desire; and the passion to fulfill all of your desires"
- -Sarah Conant
As we grow up, we learn that even the person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken more than once and it gets harder to recover each time. You will break hearts too, so remember how it feels when yours was broken. You will fight with your best friend. You will blame a new love for things and old one did. You'll cry because the time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually loose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, dance like no one is watching, sing like no one can hear you, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset, is one minute of happiness you'll never get back. Life is too short for regrets, and too short to live the same day twice.
"Live for passion, fulfillment, and desire; and the passion to fulfill all of your desires"
- -Sarah Conant
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